The fall out started out because of some petty, stupid little thing. 

Two reasons: I forgot to bring my the clothes to the laundry. My brother forgot to give my Tita something. 

So my mom comes into our room and gives us our dog, asking if she (the dog) could stay in our room for the night. We say yes, we have a normal conversation. She then starts nagging about everything she sees, first pinpointing my mistake by leaving the laundry, then my brothers by forgetting to give the package. (Note that the said Tita lives in Bicutan, a place relatively close to ours, and even moreso, relatively close to a place of business my mom goes to). 

She bickers, nags, non stop about how it was irresponsible of him to forget, and my brother retorts simply with a “What about everything else I did for you today? I did a lot and you notice the one thing I did wrong?” I protect my siblings, even when they’ve made a mistake. After all, isn’t that what siblings do? So I answer, saying that I’ll just go try and find a way to bring it there. no big deal. The package isn’t going anywhere. No one is going to die if it wasn’t given today. 

And she zooms in on me instead, turning the simple act of explaining for my brother into some GRATUITOUS form of disrespect. It’s a natural parental fail safe. I’m the adult. I’m the parent. No disrespect. Here’s the thing. I’m a person. You’re a person. Shouldn’t we be respecting one another because we’re people, and not have it be a one-way thing just because you’re the parent? 

Okay, so she goes on about how i’m the worst son ever:

1. How I disrespect them.

2. No regard for proper work ethic (I work in the business, and if I went into detail about what kind of person she is at work, then i’d have to dedicate another post to it) and how she could hire someone for less who she can shout at (see? why would you even think that if you hire someone, it’s okay to shout at them?)

3. How I’m useless at home and I don’t contribute (and how when she was my age, she was married, had a job, contributed to the house). How I’m lucky we get a maid at home to clean up after ourselves. 

4. Bunch of other stuff i’m forgetting due to haze of rage. 

I kept my mouth shut, but for purposes of venting out, I want to rant it out here. 

1.  I refuse to say responding to a parent being irrational or accusatory is disrespect. it’s called defending yourself/explaining your side. Calling disrespect just means you don’t want to even TRY to listen.  

2.Her version of proper work ethic is bending over while she shoves her foot into your face. She gives me things to do, I give it to her for checking. She complains, saying “when your boss asks you to do something, do you email it to them expecting them to print it?” NO. But I do expect them to check it first to make sure nothing is wrong and we don’t waste resources. Which is what I do with her. I never send an email saying “As requested. Please print.” So fuck you and that invalid argument. 

She claims that I have no work ethic when she gives half baked instructions, with no idea where to get the information. When we ask, she gets mad because we’re interrupting her work. When we don’t know where to get information, she gets mad because we don’t ask. We don’t know what you do, so expect us. Expect me. to be asking things. 

She says that she shouldn’t have taken me when I asked to work for the business first? What a hypocrite. When her firm moved out of the Philippines, she lost her job, and our relatives offered her a job. So she asked for help, they gave it to her. And now, she’s going off about how she’s high and mighty? PLEASE. She was the same. Except the difference is, our other relatives aren’t like her. 

She doesn’t want employees. She wants punching bags, and door mats, and dart boards that give out reports. 

3. Okay, first of all, it was her choice to be married at my age. (Look at how their  marriage is now). Second of all, I never asked for a maid. She asked if it was a good choice to get a maid. I gave my opinion. I never DEMANDED it. I never even REQUESTED for it. It was her decision, so she shouldn’t be pointing fingers saying she was doing it for us. 

So again, she goes on, about how i don’t contribute in the house, and yet i “brag” about my stay in the condo and how i clean up after myself. Which I do. My room there is a mess, but it’s organized mess coz I know where to find things. It’s the same here. The only difference is, they like barging into our room. I was dishes at the condo, I wash the dishes at home. At home, I set the table, fix my laundry, fix my things, teach my sister, take care of the dog, look after the house. Things I didn’t need to do in the condo. Sure, it’s nothing monetary, but it’s still doing something. At the very least, I take care of myself, so that she only has to take care of her.

And she calls me “mayabang”. If anything, it’s her that boasts about how she does excellently, when she was younger and now. It’s her that brags about how she’s the “breadwinner” of the family.  Here’s the kicker: She compared me to our cousins. I never aspired to be greater than my cousins, coz they’re pretty amazing. I’m not my cousins, but look at where I came from. I can only be so much when coming from something so limited. 

To be fair, I did say I wasn’t picking a fight, and I didn’t mean to raise my voice. But of course, she wouldn’t hear it.  Not that it mattered anymore anyway. She had her version of what happened etched into her mind, and I don’t really give a fuck. There’s really more to rant about but I’m really just too out of it to think of the proper words to write. so maybe a part two will come by soon.

I swear. I just need this one thing and I’m out of here. That, or I’d die, which if I don’t get out soon, I probably will end up shooting myself in the head.