It’s exactly been one year and six months since my last post. And I think it goes without saying that I am in no capacity to be a proper blogger. I have no discipline, I’m scatterbrained, I’ve got random opinions and no cohesion with how I express them. So maybe I’m not meant to be a proper blogger. Looking back, I never started a blog to become one anyway. This was a way for me to get out thoughts that I don’t usually let out in person, things that run through my head that are moving too fast for me to form actual verbal words for. And now that things are happening, there’s just so much I want to share and so much I want to throw at wordpress and at you, person reading this.
I guess I could start with the main driver for me actually writing this blog. My mom and I got into a stupid argument. Here’s the thing you should know about me. I don’t back out easily. I blame the competitive streak I have for it. And when I get into arguments with my parents, the same things apply. Heck, if they tell me that I shouldn’t let anyone push me around or that I should fight for what I believe is right, then I assume they don’t mean it with underlying double standards, one that suggest that if it’s them that I’m arguing with, I back down like a puppy and just succumb to whatever it is they tell me.
Anyway, my mother started ranting about work. I listen. Then, somehow, things turned 180 and she started berating me for something (a topic that I’d rather spare details about for now). I rebutted, knowing that it was uncalled for and unnecessary. It was a lot of pot calling the kettle black, and I suppose I was in the wrong for answering back. (Relax, no relationship ruining words were exchanged) Yet, I don’t feel sorry. Because I know accepting that it was my mistake and just keeping silent would mean me admitting that she was right when she wasn’t.
I suppose it’ll be another few nights with silence exchanged between us. Then again, life in this house is never about proper exchanges anyway. No bitterness from me, though. It’s just truth. Looking back at all of this, maybe this is a sign that I’m slowly beginning to outgrow the life I have now. Time to step out, wipe the dust out of my hair and start exploring. It’ll be a long way, because god knows i have no idea what I want. But there’s always that start. Let’s see.